Take 7 - Hugs

I'm having problems. I know what you're thinking - what's new, right? I have a friend that is so good about hugging people when she sees them, making sure to let people know that she truly sees them and cares. I want to be more like that, but I feel so odd doing it. No, M, I don't think you are odd for doing it - I just feel odd. I guess it's because it's out of my comfort zone. Now, granted, I hug my family and the people I go to church with when I see them, but those are people I know well. I'm talking about walking up to people you barely know or strangers even and hugging them because you are glad to see them, because you know they need a hug, etc. How do you move your comfort zone? How do you make yourself okay with doing this (and things like it)? Do you practice, practice, practice until you are more comfortable? Do you just have to have that natural talent? Do you have to exude confidence in yourself to make it okay? I don't know. When I feel like someone needs a hug for whatever reason, I generally stand there awkwardly and then walk away. haha
How exactly do I get to the point that I can show my care without feeling like an odd duck? I'm seriously asking this question.

Take 6 - LIFE!

Do you ever feel like you're drowning in life? I don't feel like there are enough hours in the day to accomplish all I need to accomplish. I don't feel like I have time to get all the dishes done, the laundry washed, dinner made, etc., etc., etc., and still have sufficient time for my children....or even myself for that matter. I get so overwhelmed. I find myself giving up on everything because the pile of things to do is so high that I don't even know where to begin. I want to make a better household for my family and I feel like I'm a salmon trying to fight the current. Sometimes (maybe most of the time), though, I barely have the strength to jump out of the water to gain that extra foot or so. Where to begin?!?! I've started attending (twice, so far) a mom's group and I find it to be very encouraging, but I also find that it depresses me to an extent. However, let me make a quick note here that I struggle with depression (and have for many years) and when I am at my highest is when I drop so drastically and mind-blowingly to my lowest. I say that because I don't want anyone in the group to feel that it is their fault that it somewhat depresses me. Now, as I was saying, it somewhat depresses me but only mostly because I see a place that I want to be and I don't know which path is the right path to lead me to that place. I want a stronger family bond in my house, but I don't know how to get my husband on board. I want things to be calmer and happier. I want to feel good in my house. Don't get me wrong, there is no place like home and for the most part I like to be there, but there is just something missing. I need to work at this point in our lives, but I have a very strong desire to be home. I don't necessarily need to be home every day, but more than I am now. I need to feel like I have some kind of control over my life. Right now I get up early, I ready both children, leave the house, drop one at school, drop one at babysitter, go to work for 6 hours, pick up children, go home, make dinner, try to wash at least one load of laundry/dishes, try to relax, try to sleep, start all over. I know this is pretty much the normal life of a mom, but where in there do I get to make headway? I am so busy just trying to keep marking things off my list that I have no time whatsoever for anything new that gets added to the end of the list. I feel like I'm sinking - not a good feeling. Maybe I just can't see the forest for all the trees, but I can't see the forest for all the trees. Sigh!

Take 5 - Where The Crazy Comes From

I think a little crazy may run in my family, but I find more and more that my crazy really just comes from within. I make myself crazy. I tend to linger entirely too long on the things that bug me causing them to take complete control of my mind. Yes, I know...not really a good thing. I am getting better at blocking these thoughts and therefore avoiding the cry-fest that usually comes along with it. I said better, though, not healed. I can still go from super-happy to super-sad faster than a Lamborghini can hit 60. No, in case you were wondering, I'm not bragging and it doesn't make me happy. I wish I could change it completely. I wish I could be more like my sister who, although she may get upset from time to time, wouldn't know depression if it slapped her in the face. She's never had to deal with it. Or my brother, who reminds me of a duck. Things just roll off his back like he's covered in a layer of oily feathers. He gets upset from time to time too, but then somehow instead of dwelling he just lets it go. I wish I could be one of those people that finds the bright side to the darkest hole. I'm not. I don't know that I ever will be. But, I am trying to ignore the sources of the drama and for now I suppose that's the only choice I have. Maybe someday I'll find one of those aforementioned true-blue friends, become all touchy-feely about my feelings and find that all is right with the world. Who knows?

Later, dudes

Take 4 - An Update On Life

Well, there isn't really all that much to update, but it's been a while since I posted so I figured I was due for some kind of input. I am beginning to realize as I slide wildly down the hill towards THIRTY that I should probably have a better outlook on life. I mean, thirty years is quite a long time and I am still alive so YAY! for me. Everyday is a brand new day and I am trying to learn to meet it with a smile on my face. I haven't really been depressed this winter (yet) and for me, well....that's just pretty awesome! I threatened to buy one of those sunlight lights last year because I became so melancholy during the winter that I thought I'd never make it. But, Hallelujah - I did make it and this year hasn't really even been a struggle. This is a strong indicator that miracles do still exist.
Whelp, until next time, I guess.

Later, dudes